This story is part of our Pride Month 2026 collection, where parents of queer individuals across India share their journeys of love, unlearning, acceptance, and the ways their children transformed their understanding of family and identity.
In this first-person account narrated to The Better India, Aruna Desai, an HR professional and founder member of Sweekar – The Rainbow Parents, reflects on the day her son came out to her, the lessons she has learned counselling thousands of Indian families since, and what it truly means to move from acceptance to active support.
The moment that changed my life forever was on 3 December 2007, when my son Abhishek, who was 17 years old at the time, came out to me as gay.
Just two weeks before that day, I knew very little about homosexuality. Looking back, I realise that my son and his close friend were gently preparing me for the conversation. They had told me about an “imaginary friend” who had been thrown out of his home because he came out to his family as being gay.
The story deeply affected me, and I began reading about homosexuality to understand what such young people go through.
The day Abhishek came out
The day Abhishek came out, he had been crying profusely. He was clearly struggling to tell me something. As a mother, seeing him in so much distress was heartbreaking. Finally, I remembered the story he had told me earlier and asked him, “Are you gay?”
His response still echoes in my heart: “Mumma, do you hate me now? Will you accept me?”
I may not have understood everything that lay ahead, but I knew one thing with absolute certainty: he was my child, and I loved him.
At that moment, I may not have understood everything that lay ahead, but I knew one thing with absolute certainty: he was my child, and I loved him. I took him out for dinner that evening and told him, “I love you regardless.”
That was the beginning of a journey that transformed not only my relationship with my son, but also my understanding of love, acceptance, and parenting itself.
But once I accepted my son, I realised this is something many families struggle with. So I simply began connecting with other parents through support groups. Over time, what started as a personal journey became a larger mission.
Parents from across the country started reaching out to me, struggling with fear, confusion, guilt, and concerns about their children’s future. That’s when I knew just how many people were struggling.
A larger mission
While interacting with parents, we realised that not everyone accepts their children the way I had accepted mine.
This is what made it important to bring together parents of LGBTQIA+ children: so they could advise and guide each other, stay updated on the latest developments, and most importantly, so that parents who had already found acceptance could offer peer counselling to those who were still struggling.
The vision of Sweekar – The Rainbow Parents is to build a Pan-India, multicultural network of parents of LGBTQIA+ children, including parents of Indian origin living abroad.
Together, we stand by each other, challenge existing notions of gender and sexuality, and advocate for our children’s rights. Support groups like these strengthen the bond between parents and children.
Our main objective is to enrol more parents by sharing our own acceptance stories, while assuring them strict confidentiality.
Experts help us provide accurate information on issues such as queer identities, relevant laws, myths, and health. We also train parents to deal with family, community, and society at large.
Our larger aim is to work towards ending discrimination against the queer community and to help them secure the rights they deserve.
Our main objective is to enrol more parents by sharing our own acceptance stories, while assuring them strict confidentiality.
In our forum, we try to make parents comfortable simply by talking and sharing experiences with them. We run our outreach through our Facebook page and Instagram handle, both under the name Sweekar – The Rainbow Parents.
Conversations about gender, sex, sexuality, expression, and mental health should begin as early as possible, so that children feel safe to share and express what they might be going through.
When we have such conversations early in childhood, we get the opportunity to be the first responders to our children. Queer or not, these conversations make children more adept with the diversity that exists around us, and more empathetic towards it.
The biggest lesson I have learned is that most parents do not lack love; they lack information and support. When parents understand that being LGBTQIA+ is a natural part of human diversity and not a choice, their fear begins to fade.
I have also learned that acceptance is only the first step. Our children need us to be allies, advocates, and safe spaces. They need to know they can talk to us about relationships, mental health, discrimination, and even sexual health, without fear of judgment.
Parents often tell me, “I have accepted my child, now what?” My answer is simple: keep learning, keep listening, and keep standing beside them. Acceptance should not stop at tolerance; it should grow into active support.
Most importantly, I have learned that children are children. They do not come with labels; society creates those labels. Our role as parents is to love them unconditionally and ensure they never feel alone.
Counselling experiences that moved me
One experience that stays with me involved a young LGBTQIA+ person whose parents had completely stopped speaking to them after they came out. The child felt abandoned and isolated. After our first discussion, I worked with the parents and the child separately.
What struck me was that beneath the anger, the parents were simply terrified of society, of relatives, and of the unknown. Once they began to understand their child and hear their pain, their perspective slowly changed.
After a few sessions, the family reunited. Watching that child regain a sense of belonging was incredibly moving.
Another experience involved a mother who contacted me in tears after discovering her child was queer. She believed she had failed as a parent. Through many conversations, she came to understand that her child’s identity was not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be embraced.
A year later, she attended a Pride event with her child and told me, “For the first time, I am celebrating my child instead of worrying about them.” That transformation, from fear to pride, remains one of the most rewarding moments of my work.
Parents often tell me, “I have accepted my child, now what?” My answer is simple: keep learning, keep listening, and keep standing beside them.
A third experience that deeply moved me involved parents who told me they had accepted their son for being gay, but were not ready to accept his same-sex relationship or his partner.
While they loved their son, they struggled to see his relationship as equal to a heterosexual one. Through heartfelt conversation, we explored what true acceptance means.
I gently helped them understand that accepting their child’s identity while rejecting an important part of his life could still leave him feeling unseen and unsupported. Over time, they began to look beyond societal expectations and focus on their son’s happiness and well-being.
What touched me most was seeing their transformation. They not only embraced their son wholeheartedly but also welcomed his partner into the family with warmth and respect.
Watching them move from conditional acceptance to complete acceptance was incredibly rewarding and reaffirmed my belief that when parents choose love over fear, families grow stronger than ever.
Choosing love over fear
These experiences remind me that when families choose love over fear, healing becomes possible. Every accepting parent has the power not only to transform their own child’s life, but also to help create a more compassionate society for all LGBTQIA+ people.
Over the years, I have had the privilege of counselling and supporting thousands of parents and LGBTQIA+ individuals. Each family’s journey is unique, but the emotions are often similar: fear, confusion, guilt, hope, and ultimately, love.
