“My understanding of empathy and kindness was shaped largely by three women: my mother, my sister, and the first house-help we had growing up, Mary Didi.” Rae Khanna, 23, Video Producer at The Better India.
This week, much of the internet has been discussing what has now come to be known as the “Rs 370 biryani” incident: a viral clip from comedian Pranit More’s show where an audience member recounted spending Rs 370 on a meal during a date and feeling entitled to something in return.
Thousands of ordinary users pointed out that the remark seemed to reveal the idea that paying for a meal could somehow create an obligation, and that consent could be treated as a transaction. If this conversation is really about respect, consent, relationships and masculinity, what do men themselves think about these issues today?
Just ordinary men navigating work, friendships, dating, family expectations and adulthood in 2026. So we asked our male colleagues across The Better India a series of simple questions.
It was a collection of reflections on the kind of men they are trying to become.
“The bigger problem is when nobody finds it strange”
“My understanding of empathy and kindness was shaped largely by three women: my mother, my sister, and the first house-help we had growing up, Mary Didi.”: Rae Khanna:
For Rae Khanna, the most troubling part of the viral incident was the reaction around it.
“My first reaction was disbelief,” he says. “Not because one person thought this way, but because they felt comfortable saying it publicly while others cheered them on.”
What concerns him, he explains, is how easily certain attitudes become normalised when nobody questions them.
“We often ask why women feel unsafe or unwelcome in certain spaces. Sometimes the answer isn’t a single incident. It’s the culture that allows those incidents to feel acceptable in the first place.”
When asked what he considers a green flag in a person, his answer was kindness without an audience. “It’s easy to be kind to people who can help you, agree with you, or matter to your ambitions. The real test is how someone treats people when there is no reward attached.”
Many of those values, he says, came from watching the women around him.
“My understanding of empathy and kindness was shaped largely by three women: my mother, my sister, and the first house-help we had growing up, Mary Didi.”
Among the ideas he has consciously unlearned is the belief that men must handle everything alone.
“For a long time, many men have been taught that they need to have all the answers and never appear vulnerable. Over time, I’ve realised that asking for help actually takes far more courage than pretending you don’t need it.”
For Rae, conversations around consent are straightforward. “Consent means clear, active and willing participation. It cannot be assumed, pressured or negotiated through guilt.”
And what does being a gentleman mean today?
“It has very little to do with old-fashioned ideas of chivalry and everything to do with respect. At its core, being a gentleman is simply about leaving people feeling respected.”
“Empathy doesn’t make anyone less of a man”
For Abdul Kalim, 26, from The Better India’s social media team, the incident was difficult to watch.
“It made me angry and disappointed, especially seeing people on the show laughing at such a cheap joke.” He believes one of the less discussed problems is how society often treats empathy among men.
“I feel that when a boy easily agrees with a girl’s valid points, many people think he is not ‘manly’. Because of this, such boys are often ignored by others.”
Abdul remembers feeling like an adult for the first time when he received his first salary. But adulthood, he says, also means learning to share responsibility.
“In relationships, both partners should share responsibilities and work together.” One gesture that stays with him is emotional support during difficult moments. “When your partner supports you during emotional low moments, that gesture really touches the heart.”
“I feel that when a boy easily agrees with a girl’s valid points, many people think he is not ‘manly’: Abdul Kalim
His definition of emotional strength goes beyond remaining calm. “It means handling difficulties and still building a good life together with others.”
And being a gentleman?
“Someone who respects everyone, no matter their gender, religion, caste, or background.”
“Respect is often found in small things”
For graphic designer Rajat Singh, 22, the controversy exposed how much work remains to be done around understanding consent.
“Honestly, I felt very disappointed seeing that even today some people do not understand respect and consent.”
Likewise, the gestures that matter most in relationships are pretty straightforward. For Rajat, what counts as a green flag and the gestures that mean a lot in a relationship, are pretty straightforward.
“A green flag is when someone remembers small things you say”, he says.
“Checking on each other without any reason. And when someone says ‘take care’ before you go out”, are gestures that matter to him.
Rajat believes adulthood begins when responsibility and respect start extending beyond one’s immediate circle.
“Honestly, I felt very disappointed seeing that even today some people do not understand respect and consent”: Rajat Singh
“When you start taking responsibility for yourself and begin respecting others as much as you respect your family, that is when you truly become an adult.”
One expectation he rejects is the pressure on men to suppress emotions.
“I disagree with the idea that men should always hide their emotions and never ask for help.”
For him, emotional strength means “staying calm in difficult situations, honestly expressing your feelings, and facing challenges without losing yourself.”
And a gentleman?
“Not just being polite, but also showing respect, honesty and maturity in your words and actions.”
“A woman’s worth cannot be reduced to a number”
Video editor Ranit Mukherjee, 27, says the viral clip left him shocked.
“I was appalled by it. The fact that, even today, a woman’s worth can be reduced to a monetary value is both disgusting and alarming.”
The people who shaped his understanding of empathy were not authority figures, but friends.
“The everyday conversations, shared experiences and different perspectives I’ve encountered through them have helped me become more understanding and compassionate.”
One idea he has consciously discarded is the link between masculinity and aggression.
“A short temper isn’t a sign of strength; it’s a character flaw.”
His definition of consent leaves little room for ambiguity.
“Consent is a clear, informed and enthusiastic ‘yes’.
Anything less should not be assumed to be consent.”
“The fact that, even today, a woman’s worth can be reduced to a monetary value is both disgusting and alarming”: Ranit Mukherjee
He also challenges the expectation that men must remain emotionally stoic. “I believe this expectation is harmful, as it discourages emotional expression and can negatively impact men’s mental health and well-being.”
For Ranit, being a gentleman in 2026 means “being considerate without assuming the role of a saviour, and approaching others with empathy and humility.”
Be a ‘good guy’, not just a ‘nice guy’
For scriptwriter Arpit Nigam,28, the conversation prompted reflection. “It’s disheartening to hear that some people still take pride in such thinking.” As a man, it makes me realise where we stand and how much we still need to change in the way we see women.”
The quality he values in people is honesty about priorities.
“They may not always be available, but they’re clear about their priorities.”
Unlike many milestone-driven definitions of adulthood, Arpit’s arrived gradually.
“Be a ‘good guy’, not just a ‘nice guy'”:Arpit Nigam
“It started to feel real when I was asked to take responsibility and when younger ones looked up to me for guidance.”
One social expectation he disagrees with is the belief that men will automatically know how to handle responsibility.
“We push them into responsibilities they’re not ready for.”
In relationships, he says, one gesture matters more than most: “Apologising without ego.”
His understanding of emotional strength has also evolved. “Choosing to sit with discomfort, instead of always trying to escape it.”
And his definition of being a gentleman is perhaps the simplest of all. “Be a ‘Good Guy’, not just a ‘Nice Guy’.
“You can pay for a meal. not for someone’s comfort”
For Swaraj, 24, the entire controversy can be summed up in one sentence.
“You can pay for a meal. You cannot pay for a person’s comfort with you.”
“No amount of spending can replace the feeling of emotional safety.”
His answer to what makes a person a green flag returns to the same idea.
“Someone who respects a woman’s dignity, understands her self-worth, treats her with kindness and consistency, and creates a space where she feels emotionally safe and physically comfortable.”
When asked when adulthood arrived, his response was: “Jab first time bills, emotions aur expectations teeno ek saath handle karne pade.”
“Respect everyone, whether they are younger or older than you, rich or poor, men or women”:Swaraj Chowdhury
He rejects one of the oldest ideas associated with masculinity.
“Mard rote nahi.”(Men don’t cry.) “Emotional strength ka matlab emotions ko hide karna nahi hai, balki unhe samajhkar calmly handle karna.” For Swaraj, emotional strength is not about hiding emotions but having clarity about our own emotions and handling emotional turmoil in a mature manner.
And being a gentleman?
“Respect everyone, whether they are younger or older than you, rich or poor, men or women.”
