This story is part of “Parenting: What Google Won’t Tell You” — The Better India’s people-led parenting series that goes beyond conventional advice to document how real families are actually raising their children. Through real parents, parenting coaches, influencers and experts, the series brings honest, diverse and relatable perspectives on the questions, choices, challenges and solutions that shape everyday parenting — the things Google can’t always answer.
It’s Sunday, and the family is getting ready to head out. Everyone is looking forward to the day, except one person.
“I’m bored. I’m not coming with you guys.”
That was the response Komal Baxi heard from her 12-year-old son when he first started opting out of family outings. Like many mothers, her first reaction was to feel hurt and wonder why her child suddenly didn’t want to spend time with the family.
In a video shared by Komal, an RCI-certified psychologist from Gujarat with over 15 years of experience, she recalls how she initially tried to convince her son that the outings were planned for his enjoyment and that Sundays were meant for family time.
But over time, she realised there was something else happening.
Komal, who now focuses on mental health prevention, parenting, emotional wellbeing and relationships through The Prevention Project, understood that her son wasn’t pulling away from his family. He was beginning to seek independence.
“He wasn’t leaving us behind. He was leaving something behind to add something new to his personality,” she says.
Giving freedom a little responsibility
So, when her son wanted to stay home on Sundays, Komal found a small workaround.
She told him he could stay back — but he would have to cook for himself instead of ordering food from outside.
For Komal, giving her son space to make his own choices also meant giving him the responsibility to handle their consequences.
Initially, she guided him over the phone as he learnt to make simple things such as oats kheer and Maggi. She would keep checking, “Did you turn off the gas?” before finally hanging up once he sat down to eat.
Gradually, he became comfortable in the kitchen and began preparing dishes without needing her to guide him through every recipe.
The arrangement gave him what he was looking for: independence, along with responsibility.
Komal believes this gradual transfer of responsibility is important. Her son is homeschooled and plays cricket, which sometimes requires him to travel to different cities. Since turning 14, he has travelled across cities on his own, stayed in hotels near cricket grounds and managed his accommodation, food and transportation.
None of this happened overnight. It was a gradual process of teaching, observing, trusting and allowing him to take responsibility.
Learning when to step back
Komal admits that learning to step back wasn’t easy.
She remembers constantly reminding her son to drink water, even keeping track of how many glasses he had consumed. Eventually, both of them were frustrated.
Her sister told her, “He is 11. You have taught him what you needed to teach him. Now trust your parenting.”
That stayed with her.
Komal stopped micromanaging and began transferring responsibility back to her son. “I needed to trust my parenting. I needed to trust the process,” she says.
Her approach gradually shifted from doing things for him to being available when he needed her. Instead of turning every decision into a lesson, she began asking, “What do you think?” or “What do you want to do?”
Making room for mistakes — and Me Time
For Komal, giving a child freedom also means allowing them to make mistakes.
She remembers letting her son buy fragile toys that she knew might break quickly, while explaining the possibility to him. When they did break, she never said, “I told you so.”
Over time, he learnt to make more informed choices.
The same approach extends to his emotional life. When he loses a cricket match and feels upset, Komal and her husband don’t immediately try to make the sadness disappear. Sometimes, they simply hug him or kiss his forehead and give him the space to process what he is feeling.
Family connection doesn’t always mean doing everything together, sometimes, a little ‘Me Time’ can make room for a stronger bond.
At home, “Me Time” is treated as a healthy part of family life. And, interestingly, Komal feels that giving each other this space has brought them closer.
He still happily joins family rituals, including their Saturday Monopoly games, which can last three or four hours and involve plenty of laughter, teasing and arguments.
“Sometimes giving children space creates more room for connection,” she says.
From being their world to being their safe place
Komal’s biggest takeaway is that independence is not the opposite of connection.
When children say, “I want to go by myself,” “I want to stay home,” or “I can do it myself,” she believes parents don’t always need to hear it as rejection.
Sometimes, it simply means: “I am growing up.”
As children grow more independent, parents can slowly move from being their entire world to becoming the safe place they can always return to.
For Komal, parenting means gradually moving from being a child’s entire world to becoming their safe place in the world.
“I have realised that my job is not to make sure my son tells me everything. My job is to make sure he knows that he can tell me anything.”
And perhaps that is the balance she is still learning herself: knowing when to hold her child’s hand — and when to let go of it.
All images courtesy Komal Baxi
