No Rest, No Relaxation: My Week at a Sleep Clinic

“Dress for rehab,” my colleague Elise told me when she heard I was about to leave for six days at the clinic Mayrlife in Austria. I didn’t know if I should be offended that I knew the kind of sweatpants-forward look she was referring to, even though I have never been to rehab.

I was viewing my week closer to a week in rehab than, say, a spa vacation. I have been to many spas from Türkiye to Tucson and am familiar with the water aerobics and climbing gyms and hot-stone massages, and fruit breakfasts, and especially the enforced collective bonding through deprivation and physical effort, and sharing our feelings. So many feelings. Mayrlife prided itself in offering none of that.

Mayrlife, which is in central Austria, about 90 minutes from Salzburg, calls itself a health resort promising “an enhanced outlook on life.” They specialize in the ominous sounding The Mayr Cure, which is an elaborate detox much of which is centered around gut health and the microbiome; medical treatments both esoteric and commonplace; and a special meal plan that includes a diet that’s easy to digest and specific to each patient, but generally free of raw vegetables, fruit, other kinds of sugar, caffeine, and most alliums. Plus there are treatments that feel like something from a 19th-century novel, such as salt baths, warm compresses on the liver area, or thrice-weekly stomach massages that are all supposed to promote cleansing and regeneration. You’re supposed to begin it by easing away from things like rich foods and caffeine before you leave but let’s just say that’s easier said than done. For this, they offer packages ranging from the Classic for $3373 a week to the “Longevity” which is about $5,970 and rooms are an additional fee.

But what they’re really selling is personalization. You see your physician every other day. Your nutritionist is on call. The food you eat is decided for you. The treatments and exercise are discussed with your team. There’s no communal week-long program everyone does, so if you want to lose weight and work on your stress levels, you can do that. And as a bonus you’re in the Alps, breathing in crisp air, and have pools and lakes, and facials and a variety of saunas at your disposal. Unlike a lot of spas where most of the people there are already fit trying to be fitter, at Mayrlife there is a large contingent of people there who are visibly unwell, you can tell from their age or the assistance they need getting around, or from someone telling you they have cancer.

A neighbor of mine had gone to Mayrlife and warned me of four things: That it’s very medical; that the rooms are “a little Ikea”; that I wouldn’t eat any sugar, not even fruit; and that a very famous makeup artist and beauty-brand founder goes for months at a time every year. When I asked my neighbor if they would make me exercise she just laughed and said they don’t care about that, which was encouraging because I came to sleep.