Lord, I’m only human
My needs they are few
Just food and your shelter
Will see my life through;
But to these essentials
I’ll add something new
Enough toilet paper
When I need the loo.
One sheet at a time, Sweet Jesus!
What parsimony is this?
I could nearly cry
In cases when I
Need more than a piss;
Why can’t I get more, Sweet Jesus?
You’d think that it was a crime
I need two or three
To wipe properly
Not one at a time.
You try to be careful
And gentle and neat
You want to avoid
A tear in the sheet;
But one thing is certain
When you excrete
You’ll curse to Sweet Jesus
When you pull one sheet.
One sheet at a time, Sweet Jesus!
Dispensed through one tiny hole
So let it be said
“Just put there instead
A real toilet roll”;
A real toilet roll, Sweet Jesus!
Avoiding your slop and your slime
From fingers pushed through
Up your pooper flue
One sheet at a time.
