For those who seek asylum the process has been slow;
It seems there’s quite a backlog in deciding “Stay” or “Go”.
Paperwork on paperwork – the bane of these oppressed
And then the dreaded follow-up – the Citizenship test.
“Who wrote The Pilgrim’s Progress? Who is Desperate Dan?
What is Man United? You’ll need to be a fan”
But I could speed the process with a foolproof plan that works
By sifting out Somalis, Albanians and Turks.
For there’s a methodology an Englishman would pass,
Whilst sneaky Johnny Foreigner is doomed to fail, alas!
The test involves a slice of toast on which would thickly lay
And those that relished Marmite would be allowed to stay.
But those who made a grimace or spat it out as cack
Would never get to Glyndebourne and were destined to go back.
