This story is part of “Parenting: What Google Won’t Tell You” — The Better India’s people-led parenting series that goes beyond conventional advice to document how real families are actually raising their children. Through real parents, parenting coaches, influencers and experts, the series brings honest, diverse and relatable perspectives on the questions, choices, challenges and solutions that shape everyday parenting — the things Google can’t always answer.
By the time Merlyn D’souza walks through the door after work, the day has already been a long one. But in Mumbai, homecoming comes with its own little reward: her two children running towards her for a hug.
For Merlyn, Associate Director, Public Relations at EL SOL Strategic Consultants and a mother to a six-year-old daughter and one-year-old son, this is the part of the day she looks forward to the most.
It is also a reminder of something she has learnt since becoming a mother: being a present parent does not mean being available every minute of the day. Sometimes, it simply means being completely there when you are.
Letting go of the perfect-mother checklist
Merlyn became a mother in 2020, when the world outside felt uncertain and overwhelming. Having a newborn during the pandemic made her realise how quickly life could narrow down to what truly mattered.
After work, simple rituals like bath time give Merlyn a chance to slow down and reconnect with her children.
Instead of trying to fit herself into an idea of what a “perfect” mother or professional should look like, she began creating her own definition of motherhood.
Her first pregnancy had come with its own challenges, from the physical and emotional toll of pregnancy to feeding struggles, body changes, and hair loss, all while navigating the isolation of early COVID-19.
“Expecting perfection in the middle of all that is an impossible burden,” she says.
Becoming a mother for the second time reinforced that lesson. For Merlyn, being a good mother is no longer about doing everything flawlessly. It is about making her children feel loved, safe and understood.
“Children don’t need a picture-perfect mother; they just need you,” she says.
For her, presence begins at the front door
Merlyn’s weekdays work because she does not try to do everything alone.
While she is at work, her husband and in-laws care for the children. Knowing that they are safe, loved, and looked after allows her to focus on her work without constantly carrying the guilt of being away.
When she returns home, she makes the transition intentional.
Merlyn gives her children what they need at each stage, from listening to her daughter’s stories to holding her baby close.
One of her simple rituals is bathing the children before bedtime. It may not sound like much, but those everyday moments give her time to slow down and reconnect with them.
With her six-year-old, that connection often comes through conversations and play. Her daughter performs impromptu dances, sings and narrates stories from her day, while Merlyn happily takes on the role of audience and cheerleader.
Her one-year-old son needs something different. For him, connection is often as simple as being held, feeling her warmth or knowing she is nearby while he explores.
For Merlyn, giving both children individual attention is not about dividing time equally. It is about understanding what each child needs at that particular stage of life.
Rest is part of parenting too
Of course, being present is harder when you are running on empty. On those days, Merlyn has learnt to listen to her own limits. Her husband often reminds her to take a power nap when she needs one.
That support has helped her see rest differently. Taking a break does not mean she is doing less for her family. Sometimes, taking care of herself is what helps her return to them with more patience and emotional space.
She has learnt that resting is not stepping away from motherhood, but making space to return with more patience.
The same shift has changed how she approaches difficult moments with her children.
In their home, one rule is firm: parents do not raise their hands. When there is a tantrum or a difficult moment, the focus is on giving children space to process what they are feeling rather than controlling them through fear.
“Just let go”
Merlyn has also stopped measuring her motherhood against anyone else’s.
Her advice to parents who constantly worry about getting it right is simple: understand rather than control, be an emotional anchor for your partner, and, finally, let go.
“Don’t compare,” she says. “We all have our own individual journeys, and we cannot have the same stories to tell.”
With her husband and in-laws sharing the caregiving, Merlyn can be present at work without carrying the guilt of being away.
Perhaps that is the most comforting part of Merlyn’s approach. There is no elaborate routine, perfect balance, or checklist to follow.
Some days will be messy. Some days will be exhausting. And some days will end with two little arms wrapped around you at the front door. For Merlyn, that is enough.
All images courtesy of Merlyn D’souza
