When Rukky left Nigeria for the United Kingdom in 2022 with his wife and children, he imagined new opportunities, financial stability, and a brighter future. What he did not expect was over a month spent in an Airbnb, thousands of pounds disappearing before they even found a home, and the reality that in Britain, having money is not always enough; sometimes, it is the process that matters most.
In this conversation with FunTimes, he reflects on what he has gained, what he misses about Nigeria, and what he wishes every prospective migrant knew before making the move.
What was life like for you before you left Nigeria, and what motivated you to leave?
Life was just average. Like every average Nigerian, you work daily, and your pay or salary does not really meet your needs of daily life. It tends to put you under pressure unnecessarily, as if you are doing little or nothing for yourself. You cannot save, you cannot achieve anything. What motivated me majorly was a better life, more opportunities, financial growth, and family stability.
How did you move to the UK?
My wife got an admission, and based on the UK requirement at that time, you could go with your family as dependents.
What do you remember most vividly about your first weeks in the UK, emotionally, culturally, or practically?
It was completely different. So they call it cultural shocks. The environment was completely different. Perceptions of life, and their way of doing things. We socialize a lot in Nigeria, but here, it is more about living alone. Another strange thing was getting accommodation. It was not easy for us. Even if you have the money, the process and regulations are quite tough, and so it comes with a lot of emotional, financial, and mental stress trying to put your family together in a strange land.
Not that they don’t care about your family, they are just particular about the process. And this whole process makes you spend more, especially as new immigrants, servicing pounds with the naira. If you are not lucky enough to have someone to stay with, you have to stay in a hotel or Airbnb, where you pay weekly. We stayed in an Airbnb for one month and two weeks, and it cost us about £4000 before we finally got a place.
There was an occasion when an agent in Coventry refused to refund our £300 holding deposit. If we had known better or had the information we have now, we could have probed further with the bank to investigate, and they would have pressured him to return our money.
What was the biggest challenge in getting a job?
Coming to the country for the first time, we had to do just about anything. Getting a job was a bit easier then, usually warehouse jobs, something to keep your bills going for you. We were in an Airbnb and spending so much that we needed to refill quickly. I got a job in a warehouse, and after two weeks, I got another one in a different warehouse because the first one was too demanding. It took me like six months to get a proper job. Everything about the country is about processes. They do not care whether you have a PhD from Nigeria or any other country you come from. If you want to get a new job here, you must follow the process. First things first, what experience do you have in the UK? They do not care what kind of job you have done. They just want to know you have worked in the UK.
How has raising children in the UK differed from raising them in Nigeria, and what have you had to adapt to?
It is really challenging to raise children here. Childcare is a major part of your daily life. You must plan it if you have a child. In Nigeria, you can call on your family members to help take care of your kids, or get a trusted house help. But here, from age one to sixteen are considered children, and there must be a reasonable adult in that property to watch them when you are not home. So, as a couple, you start looking at how to juggle your jobs. How someone must be at home. It means one person goes to work while the other stays home. But the system makes it flexible, though, which is why you see some people work day and others work night. When we came, I worked nightshifts for two years while my wife worked dayshifts. She was a student and had to manage that while studying.
Here, it is rare for you to find someone who will accommodate your kids. There are no brothers or sisters. It is business, and you have to pay for services.
How do you instill discipline?
Where we came from, those values were very strong, and I would go to any length to instill them without being cautioned by anybody because they are my kids and I know how best to raise them. Over here, the government has policies that guide the way you take care of your own kid because they believe that there’s a thin line between abuse and discipline. I do not know what informed those policies over the years, and now, I have brought them to this state where you can’t physically hit your kids. In Nigeria, you can easily spank your kid, but if you try that here and they see a mark on the child, it’s child abuse, and they will take the kids from you.
Bringing up children is dynamic. What works for one kid may not work for another. For us here, most times it is grounding. It prevents them from using what they like, their phones and gadgets, for a certain time of the day or part of the week. It sometimes works. You try to enforce discipline the best way you can because if you shout too much, it is also a problem. It is seen as bullying in society.
We Nigerians in the diaspora now find a way to sweet-talk our children into understanding that we sometimes need to shout, because if it gets to their teachers, they could raise safeguarding concerns, and you would be called for a meeting. If you cannot justify yourself, you are in trouble. In a way, they are saying ‘we are trying to help you,’ but it is not actually helping. That is why they are raising a lot of dysfunctional homes. But that is the way the system works here. Parents’ hands are tied; you cannot do certain things. You have to do what the government says.
What has been your toughest challenge since relocating, and what did it teach you?
The toughest challenge is being away from the society and the life you have known. It feels lonely in the UK. If Nigerians in different parts of the world are being truthful, they will tell you it is very lonely because you now need to carve out the niche of friends you want. You may want the friendship, but they don’t. They may want it, and you don’t. You cannot force friendship. Unlike Nigeria, where you can just bump into people and hit it off. As long as you have seen in church, school, or somewhere, you can start laughing. Here, even though you are colleagues at work, you can see each other on the streets and not relate to each other. If you have occasions, you start looking for people you think will want to accept your invite. Here, everything has a private touch, my space, my clique.
Have you faced racism, bias, or discrimination in the UK, and how did you navigate those experiences?
Due to my kind of job, a care assistant and a care support worker, I have gained different experiences in this country. You face it a lot. You hear comments. They give you signs or use slurs to depict who you are or make you feel like you don’t belong here. Sometimes colleagues don’t come out openly to say it, but organizational racism is there. They give you that attitude, you are not supposed to be in this space. You need to earn your place in this space. The good thing is that when you face such, there are laws against racism. If you raise it, it can be followed up on and investigated. You can even be compensated.
How do you feel about the anti-immigrant rhetoric in the UK?
For me, it makes you feel unsettled and start missing your country. Policies can just change, either in your favor or against you. Since we came, policies have changed drastically. They just try to look for ways to minimize movement of immigrants in this country, whether legally or illegally. Now, when the policies are constantly changed like that, it gets you unsettled and worried. You keep wondering, “What’s happening?” “I hope they are not going to send us back.” “I hope our visa will be renewed.” “I hope this sponsorship we have gotten from this company can carry my family.”
They change their policies in ways that benefit them, and the way they do it makes everything look unstable. You cannot say you are stable until you pass the benchmark of that particular year’s policy. There are many tweaks, and it doesn’t give you that rest of mind until you want to get your ILR (Indefinite Leave to Remain). That gives you some sort of relief. They don’t have a fixed policy, and it makes everybody want to always run helter-skelter.
What has life been like so far in the UK?
This one is obvious. At least here, you can see that the standard of living is better. You can work. Though you pay a lot of taxes, you see it. You can also save and have projections. You can tell yourself, within this time, I want to achieve this, and with God’s help, you achieve it. But in Nigeria, you can be receiving 5 million in a month and still feel like you are struggling. Not because you don’t have the money, but the economy is shrinking you, coupled with the fact that you still have people from everywhere begging you for money. It also happens here, but you will control your giving. The standard of living is fair. You can get anything you want to eat, and buy any clothes you want to buy. If it is too expensive for you now, you can plan and budget for it. You can also pay in installments. Unlike Nigeria, where everything is really a struggle.
Security-wise, it’s good. Not so perfect, but you are 95% sure that if you go out, you will return safely. Unlike back home, where you are scared of who would kidnap, attack, or steal from you. They do happen here, but the percentage is low.
If Nigeria became a better place in the future, would you move back permanently, why?
Certainly, if the economy picks up again, security is fair, standard of living is okay. What most Nigerians or every human being needs are the basics of life. People throng to the UK or America because of the basics of life they can’t get in their own countries. And when they get to those countries, they know that they can work and meet those basic needs. It gives them a kind of relief before they start dreaming bigger and achieving more. If our country gets to the point where everybody can fend for themselves, no matter the kind of job they do, people will come back. That is what all of these European countries and the Western world give to migrants, that makes them want to come in. So, if Nigeria gets to that point, most people will pack and go because that’s our land, that’s our home. You know that nobody will harass or kidnap you while walking on the street. If those things are out of the way, most Nigerians will move. Aside from moving fully, many would visit home more frequently. I’m looking forward to it.
