Tara Pavlovic is not rushing to find another husband.
In fact, the former reality television star — who went on national television looking for love — is now actively avoiding romance.
Just weeks after splitting from her husband — the father of her two children — Pavlovic is still navigating the emotional early stages of separation.
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“I’m OK,” she said. “I’m in a way better place than I was.”
Pavlovic, who has two children — son Paddy, 5, and daughter Edi-Rae, 3 — speaks positively of her former partner but says she has experienced relief, calm and joy since being on her own.
“I feel a sense of freedom when I’m kid-free to go wherever I want without guilt or needing to ask permission,” she said.
“That’s definitely helped me in terms of rediscovering myself.”
Her story speaks to a broader cultural shift explored in a new book, Only You, from therapist Marny Lishman which challenges the idea that single status is something to be fixed.
Just weeks after splitting from her husband – the father of her two children – Pavlovic is still navigating the emotional early stages of separation. Credit: Instagram/@tarapavlovicTara Pavlovic is not rushing to find another husband. Credit: Instagram/@tarapavlovic
Dr Lishman says more women are rejecting the idea that singlehood is a temporary failure state.
“This paradigm of ‘coupledom’ suggests that if we’re sans partner, we are likely living through an unfulfilling waiting period until we get back into a relationship,” she told The Nightly.
She said many people wrongly viewed relationships as the only path to fulfilment.
Pavlovic — a finalist on The Bachelor before meeting her former partner — said that theory resonates deeply with her.
Before her separation, the 36-year-old had already begun trying to rebuild herself.
“I did already feel like I was losing myself,” she said.
“I started focusing on myself because I’m the only person in my control.”
She took up drums. She spent more time outdoors. She focused on exercise, her own wellbeing and reconnecting with friends.
Since the separation, Pavlovic has relished having time to do whatever she wants.
“I take advantage of it when I don’t have the kids,” she said.
“I’ve also had so much more time for friends, which has been amazing.”
Pavlovic now finds deep joy in the kind of solitude many exhausted mothers dream about.
“I sit on the couch, watch the worst TV shows imaginable and eat ice cream. It’s blissful,” she said.
“People always say, ‘Come for dinner, come do this’, and I’m like, ‘Nah, I’ve got plans with myself’.”
Dr Lishman — a therapist, mindset coach and author — said that for women who have spent years raising children, managing households and putting everyone else first, solitude can be profoundly restorative.
“Many women are socially conditioned to head out on a pathway of doing things for others, people pleasing and often putting their own needs to the side, which all adds up to a middle-aged woman in modern society having too much on their plates,” she said.
“Taking time to be alone is a chance to relax, recharge and reset.”
Pavlovic said one of the surprising realities of separation is that, for the first time, the parenting load is actually being formally shared.
“When you break up and properly split the load, it’s easier,” she said.
“So the fact that I don’t have 100 per cent of the load right now makes life feel a lot easier.”
Pavlovic said she now uses the time away from her children to work, exercise, reset the house and recharge so that when they return, she is more present.
“The time we spend together now is much better,” she said.
“We are connecting more and they’re getting the best, happiest version of me.”
Pavlovic, also a children’s author, said her separation is still fresh and painful, but she believes heartbreak and joy can co-exist.
“I think you only get a divorce to feel that sense of relief,” she said.
“You don’t want a divorce to feel heavier. If you end a marriage, it’s because you’re trying to make a change for the better.”
Dr Lishman said many women coming out of challenging relationships are not in a rush to re-partner – particularly if they felt they had lost themselves, were emotionally unsafe or carried an unbalanced load.
“Many women crave time to themselves, peace and quiet, as well as to find out who they are again.”
Boring jobs – Doctor of Psychology Marny Lishman says more women are rejecting the idea that singlehood is a temporary failure state. Credit: Unknown/Supplied
For Pavlovic, the thought of another long-term relationship is unappealing.
“100 per cent I will stay single for a while,” she said.
“The idea of being with someone right now — having someone else in my space and someone else to look after — gives me anxiety.”
She isn’t ruling out dating, but marriage is off the cards.
“I would go on a date and have fun, but I don’t want anything long term. No way,” she said.
“If I ended up meeting someone who I think would add value to my life, I would be open to it, but I haven’t come across that.”
Pavlovic said she no longer believes romantic love is necessary to feel complete.
“I really don’t think you need it if you have a good village,” she said.
“There is such a huge amount of love I feel when I’m around my friends and family.”
It is a point Dr Lishman makes repeatedly: being alone and being lonely are not the same.
“Many people feel lonely in relationships, and many people who are alone do not feel lonely,” she said.
Pavlovic said society still tends to pity single people, when many may actually be happier than those in relationships.
“I feel like I have everything in the world at the moment. I wouldn’t change it,” she said.
“I’m living such a full life that is aligned and authentic with who I am, and I found that really hard to do when I was married.”
