Let me be frank: I adore my family. I love the holidays and look forward to baking cookies on my family visit, watching cheesy movies and opening gifts with my relatives, but even I get a little (okay, very) on edge after a few days together. Being cooped up inside with your people—even if you get along and especially if dynamics are fraught—can be downright depleting.
Systems—whether that be your team at work or the family you grew up with—love to function the way they always have, says Kate Cummins, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist based in California. By default, they pull you back to who you were or how you behaved back in the day. “This can feel exhausting because you’re forced to act in a way that no longer exists in your current life,” Dr Cummins says. Plus, there’s a whole host of other reasons a trip home can be physically and mentally taxing: Your sleep schedule may be out of whack, you could be drinking more alcohol than usual (just me?) or attending a few too many holiday parties.
If you just hung out with your relatives and are now feeling like a shell of your former self, we have news for you: This is a very normal human reaction. And thankfully, there are things you can do to manage the overwhelm. Here, two psychologists share their best tips for recovering after a long (and draining) weekend with the fam.
Give yourself a little downtime after the family visit, if you can
In her practice, Janelle S. Peifer, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist and assistant professor at the University of Richmond, has noticed that after a trip or long weekend with family, people tend to return home and hit the ground running. They dive right back into demanding work projects or book that 6am workout class. Some folks wind up overcompensating in an effort to make up for the PTO they took, she explains, grinding even harder than they usually do.
However, this is the last thing you want to do if you’re feeling zapped. We often take for granted how emotionally and physically demanding socialising and travelling can be, and processing the complex emotions involved in a family visit takes a lot out of us too, Dr. Peifer says. That’s why it’s important to pace yourself when you’re back in your own space—especially if you have a difficult or strained relationship with your family, she adds.
Rather than immediately getting back into high-intensity workouts, filling up your social calendar or pushing yourself to the limit at work, for example, Dr. Peifer recommends prioritising restorative activities, if and when you can. That might look like giving mindfulness exercises a shot, practising some gentle stretching, or, my personal preference, camping out on the couch (or bed) and letting yourself stream show after show for a night or two.
