As a sex therapist, educator and researcher, I believe EVERY woman should own a clitoral vibrator (or several). And, while I advise this for all women, it’s an especially strong recommendation for any women who is perimenopausal and beyond (so about mid-to-late forties and older). Here’s why!
In around the late forties, as women enter what’s called perimenopause, their genitals begin to undergo several changes. Specifically, the decreased estrogen levels at this phase and the later, actual menopausal phase, can result in a bothersome set of symptoms known as the genitourinary syndrome of menopause (GSM). GSM can include vaginal dryness, vaginal itching, and painful penetration.
Additionally, women going through the transition to menopause can experience decreased sensitivity of the nerve endings of the clitoris (i.e., making them less sensitive to stimulation). The actual clitoris can also shrink, making it less responsive to stimulation. Menopausal changes (and aging itself) can weaken the pelvic floor muscles. Many women experience urinary incontinence.
All of this sounds awful, right? And even more horrible is that many women experience these symptoms and have no clue what’s causing them. And worst of all is that too few physicians are trained in caring for women struggling with GSM, despite the fact the 50% of the population goes through menopause! If you are reading this and realizing you are struggling with GSM, seek a menopause certified physician.
In the United States, for example, you can find one the website of the Menopause Society. The earlier you see such a doctor the better! This is because GSM doesn’t get better on its own. It’s a progressive, chronic condition, in which the underlying changes in genital tissue continue indefinitely if not treated. However, if you see a menopause certified physician early enough, they can treat and alleviate GSM symptoms by prescribing you vaginal estrogen, which is approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administratoin.
And, according to one article in a medical journal, guess what else doctors’ should be prescribing to help women with GSM and sexual health in general? VIBRATORS! Vibrators have been found to improve sexual functioning in women of all ages. Women who use them have easier and more frequent orgasms! They also help specifically with some of the issues women going through menopause face. Recall that the clitoral nerves get less sensitive with menopause. Well, vibrators provide the more intense stimulation that these nerve endings need.
Additionally, vibration increases blood circulation to the genitals, and this increased blood flow promotes the health of the vaginal walls, helping with the dryness and thinning caused by decreased estrogen. Related, there is evidence that vibrators can help with the pain many menopausal women experience. Vibration has also been found to strengthen pelvic muscle tone and even improve urinary incontinence. Perhaps due to the alleviation of such physical symptoms, one study found women who use vibrators feel less depressed!
Another study found that women who use them have more life satisfaction! This same study found that those who use them with partners have more relationship satisfaction. In short, vibrators help with sexual, genitourinary, and emotional health for women, especially those in the 40+ year old range!
Which vibrators are the best for this group of women? Basically, any vibrator that a woman likes is the best choice for her. Still, since many women in this age range also struggle with hand pain and arthritis, a top recommendation is the SMART Wand both due to the wonderful stimulation it provides and the ease of holding it.
Similarly, other vibrators that delivers incredible stimulation and are easy to hold are the SILA Cruise and the SONA Cruise, both of which deliver stimulation through sonic waves which stimulate the external and internal clitoris. All these devices should be used with plenty of water-based lube, such as LELO’s personal moisturizer. Indeed, sexual and menopause health providers recommend always using lube, when alone and when with a partner!
While the SMART Wand, SILA Cruise, and SONA Cruise are all for external genital stimulation, gently stimulating the vaginal entrance and the vaginal canal, while using plenty of lube, can also help with loosening the muscle at the vaginal entry and keeping the vaginal tissue moist. Of course, if this hurts, don’t do it and be sure to see one of those menopause certified physicians or a trained pelvic floor therapist (you can find one here).
But, if penetration is not uncomfortable, grab the MONA 2, or LIV 3 and give it a try. Another option is to use a rabbit vibrator like the INA 3 and get both internal and external stimulation at the same time.
Aging and menopause do not have to mean the end of great sex and orgasms, nor does it need to be the beginning of lasting discomfort. Equipped with knowledge, a good physician, a good pelvic floor therapist if needed, and a LELO vibrator, sex can be better than ever! Indeed, a large study of people who had magnificent sex found that for many women, the best sex started after age 50, as they let go of cultural messages (e.g., real sex includes penetration). Aging can allow women to feel freer sexually!
There is a famous poem by the late Jenny Joseph about aging as a time for freedom and fun. The first line of this poem is “When I am an old woman I shall wear purple.” Let’s not only embrace this sentiment but add to it. Let’s celebrate aging as a time of sexual joy. What I wish for you is that as you grow old, you shall use a vibrator!
