I have thought hard about it
I have
Please, mother, forgive me
This is not a sudden storm
But a slow erosion
of everything I was
This ending has lived in me long enough
Long before I found the words
It began quietly without sound
on Uncle Peter’s birthday two years ago
as the candles burned low
and laughter clung to the walls
and I remember thinking
how strange it was
to feel nothing
in a room so full of life
Since then
All those days since then
I have been drowning, mother
not all at once
no, never that mercy
not for me…
I have been drowning but slowly
deeper and unnoticed
Mother
There are depths inside me
no light has touched in years
I have sunk there
made a quiet home among the silence
Now, now I’m tired
Not the kind that sleep can mend
not the kind that fades with morning
but the one that lives in the soul of me
one that seeps into every corner
and whispers…
Enough
Here, at the edge of myself
With the rain still falling
and the fog still holding
I find myself softening into
the thought I once feared
I whisper it
as though it has always been true…
I will disappear soon
