March, 2026: They (allegedly) stole your (luxury designer) wallet in El Segundo
Is the Bling Ring alive and well in the LA country suburb of El Segundo? While that crew of teen thieves is out of the game, they’ve spawned their fair share of imitators. Suspects arrested last month in Southern California allegedly lifted at least $6 million in luxury goods, including “over 100 designer handbags (Hermès Birkin, Louis Vuitton, Chanel), 22 high-end timepieces (Patek Philippe, Audemars Piguet, Rolex), gold coins, jewelry, 20 firearms, and over $800,000 in cash,” El Segundo police say via statement. In addition to the bags and watches, police say they found collectable cards and firearms in his possession, photos of which the agency has shared.
The alleged thieves were tracked to a home in Temecula following a January 10 burglary in which $600,000 worth of “designer handbags and jewelry” went missing. Police are currently seeking other victims of what they say is “an organized residential burglary crew operating across multiple jurisdictions,” including LA and San Diego counties. If you’re a SoCal Vanity Fair reader, please consider taking your $800,000 in cash to the bank instead of hiding it under the floorboards.
March, 2026: The Italian KitKat job
Swiss multinational food and drink-processing conglomerate Nestlé has long been the focus of allegations and criticism, which makes last month’s report of a 12 tonne KitKat theft feel especially sweet. A train carrying 413,793 units of KitKat’s “new chocolate range,” which included chocolate bars shaped like F1 race cars, was traveling from central Italy to Poland when the candy disappeared without a trace. In addition to the car-shaped bars, the thieves made off with carmel-flavored F1 KitKat Chunky bars.
“Whilst we appreciate the criminals’ exceptional taste, the fact remains that cargo theft is an escalating issue for businesses of all sizes,” a spokesperson for Nestlé said in a statement. “With more sophisticated schemes being deployed on a regular basis, we have chosen to go public with our own experience in the hope that it raises awareness of an increasingly common criminal trend.” A look at Nestlé’s financials from the past year suggests that the company will manage to stumble on.
April, 2026: The California Lego heist
Just picture it: Two semis, laden with purloined cargo, race across the Mojave desert with police in close pursuit. No, this isn’t the original Fast and the Furious film. (Remember, the franchise started out as a Point Break “homage,” with the late Paul Walker as Johnny Utah lite!) This happened less than two weeks ago, when three Southern California men were pulled over with “approximately $1,000,000 worth of Lego products” spread across two allegedly stolen freight trailers, the Kern County Sheriff’s Office Mojave Substation said in a news release.
The Lego bricks (thank you, Seth Meyers) “were stolen while in transit from Fort Worth, Texas, to Moreno Valley, California,” police say, sharing photos of two trailer units conspicuously emblazoned with Amazon’s logo. The trio were arrested for possession of a stolen vehicle, cargo theft, and conspiracy. Meanwhile the folks at Lego remain free despite the many bare feet they’ve injured since launching their “automatic binding blocks” in 1949.
