On April Fools Day, the Massachusetts Daily Collegian is here to give you what you really need to hear: fake news! Across the paper, our reporters have taken on the weirdest and wackiest stories for your entertainment.
All stories are satirical, and not based in real events. We really REALLY tried to make them funny, too. Please laugh. Don’t let our efforts to go to waste!
The Opinion section and the Brick presents, Morning Wood 2026!
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Trump releases Maduro after pressure from SGA by Whis L. Blower
Student Alliance for Justice at Mount Ida occupies Orchard Hill by Paul Avery
Allergens for all by Plann Turs Pinoughts
UMass discontinues new housing project to increase budget for Recreation Center’s heating system by Saweti Nuttes
Congratulations, it is 42 degrees; time to dress like it’s Miami by Alma Holzert
UMass ranked ‘Best Campus Dining’ according to Food Critics With Long COVID by Banthony Ourdain
Let students decide the weather, not Sam by Mr. H. Miser
The truth behind the country’s No. 1 dining by Best Reporter Ever
New housing and parking plans for UMass by Yuu R’mum
The world’s greatest c—block is Woo lighting by Ada Weiner and Inda Muff
