Any parent will admit that they want to give their child the best in life, and raise a kind, well-rounded individual. But in today’s day and age, with more resources and a myriad of conflicting advice, which path should they follow?
IAS officer Divya Mittal shared some parenting advice based on her own experiences with raising two daughters on Twitter.
She, in turn, takes lessons from her own mother, who raised three children, all of whom are doing “well in life”, she says.
My mother raised 3 kids- all 3 went to IIT, then IIM & doing well in their lives.
Based on my own childhood and journey of raising 2 little daughters, some insights on parenting.
Please retweet for wider reach. 🧵
— Divya Mittal (@divyamittal_IAS) August 23, 2022
Here’s what she says in her thread, which had gone viral with over 20,000 likes.
1. Tell them they can do anything: Divya advises building your child’s resolve and self-belief by giving them constant assurance that they can do anything. “That belief will define their destiny,” she says.
Tell them they can do anything.
Tell it so often that they start believing it. That belief will define their destiny
2/n
— Divya Mittal (@divyamittal_IAS) August 23, 2022
2. Let them fall: Let your child fall and get hurt, she says, and let them make their own mistakes. You cannot protect them from every pitfall, and children will learn how to get back on their feet themselves.
Let them fall.
Let them jump and play and fall and get hurt. Don’t jump in to pick them up. Only then will they learn to get up from a failure, dust themselves up and keep walking
3/n
— Divya Mittal (@divyamittal_IAS) August 23, 2022
3. Compete: Encourage your child to compete, even if they don’t win in every competition. A healthy competitive spirit is very important, but this will also make them accustomed to failures, which are part and parcel of life.
Compete
Make them participate in competitions. They will not win every time. But they will become comfortable with failure. Fear of failure is a bigger hindrance in success than failure.
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— Divya Mittal (@divyamittal_IAS) August 23, 2022
4. Let them take risks: Divya advises to let your child take a risk — climb a tree, engage in adventure sports. This, she opines, will teach them how to behave responsibly in situations where they could get hurt.
Let them take risk.
Monitor them but allow them to do things you feel can be somewhat risky. Adventure sports, climbing a tree. You will see that when they know they can get hurt in the process, they behave responsibly
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— Divya Mittal (@divyamittal_IAS) August 23, 2022
5. Abundance mindset: Every next generation gets access to more opportunities and better resources than their predecessor. Divya says, don’t remind them of the scarcity you faced, and impose that thinking on them.
Abundance mindset.
They have opportunities & resources that you never had. Let them use that as a jump board to go in the higher orbit. Don’t impose your scarcity mindset on them
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— Divya Mittal (@divyamittal_IAS) August 23, 2022
6. Be a role model: Practice what you preach, says Divya. Parents should not say or do something while telling their child otherwise. “Nothing breaks a child’s heart more than seeing hypocrisy of their parents,” she says.
Be a role model
Be yourself what you tell them to be. Nothing breaks a child’s heart more than seeing hypocrisy of their parents
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— Divya Mittal (@divyamittal_IAS) August 23, 2022
7. Shun bad behaviour: While you must allow your child to experiment and fail, it doesn’t mean that you allow bad behaviour, says Divya. You must correct them when they go wrong.
Shun bad behaviour.
You must scold them & correct them when they are doing something bad. They need to understand what right behaviour is
8/n
— Divya Mittal (@divyamittal_IAS) August 23, 2022
8. Trust your children: Hope is very important for everyone, including children. Parents must not become disappointed in their children, she says.
Trust them.
Don’t be disappointed in them. Always have hope. If you become disappointed in them, they will have no hope for themselves.
9/n#parenting
— Divya Mittal (@divyamittal_IAS) August 23, 2022
9. Give experiences: A healthy exposure to a variety of experiences is integral to their having an open mind, she advises. Let them explore the world.
Give experiences.
Give them a variety of experiences to open their minds and hearts. Take them to orphanages, dance shows, travel, museums. Wherever you go, talk to them about things and their experience. Don’t just be busy amongst yourselves
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— Divya Mittal (@divyamittal_IAS) August 23, 2022
10. Listen: Listening is an important habit that must be inculcated from a young age. This will happen only when parents first listen to their children, says Divya.
Listen.
Don’t assume that they are stupid and don’t know things. Don’t be in a hurry to respond. Listen intently and then speak. Then you will reach them. You will never have a complaint that they don’t listen.
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— Divya Mittal (@divyamittal_IAS) August 23, 2022
11. Don’t compare: One of the biggest follies made by parents is comparison. Divya advises against comparing your child with anyone, especially their siblings. This can cause problems as the child becomes an adult.
Don’t compare
Don’t compare your child with anyone. Especially with their siblings. Being the favoured one will make them unprepared for harshness of the world, being the unfavoured one will make them needy and always seeking validation
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— Divya Mittal (@divyamittal_IAS) August 23, 2022
12. Be their safe space: Everyone needs a safe space. Divya says that parents must be that space for their children, “where they get love without having to be anything”.
Most important:
Be their safe place. Where they get love without having to be anything. Tell them that you will always love them, even if you are angry with them. Your love is not conditional on any behaviour of theirs.
13/n
— Divya Mittal (@divyamittal_IAS) August 23, 2022
