I almost didn’t join the Collegian.
I was terrified of my own shadow and drowning in my own self-doubt. Blending into the wallpaper sounded more appealing than making friends. I believed that I didn’t deserve to be studying on campus and I thought I was taking up too much space. I was crippled by my own mind.
One day, a friend I had made reached out to grab dinner and began discussing his club sport’s issues. A small thought bloomed in my mind: would writing for the school newspaper be a good way to bring awareness to other student groups? I was already a journalism major, and there didn’t seem to be any harm in trying. I was already at an all-time low.
The next week I went into the Massachusetts Daily Collegian office and sat in on my first ever news meeting. I can’t remember much from the meeting other than the fact that I walked in, walked out and wore my Hogwarts sweatshirt with stained sweatpants. I was so terrified of pitching a potential story that my mind wiped the rest of the memory.
But I kept showing up. Sometimes, that’s all it takes.
As I kept showing up, people began remembering my face. Someone would ask me how my research was going, another would give me tips on where to look for sources. When my first article was done, my editor worked through each sentence with me to consolidate and explain information in a more concise manner.
The article was far from perfect, but I got my name out there. For a follow up article, I was referred to another writer with every single piece of organized information I could ever need in several different Google Sheets: Daniel Frank. From there, making friends became easier.
I found my passion in photography and longform writing. I still wanted to stay away from the attention of others, but I didn’t find the need to hide in my dorm room anymore. When I became an assistant photo editor during my sophomore year, I found myself choosing bolder, louder and more involved student life events to attend.
When the protests began in September 2022, I began attending as many as I could as a photographer and writer. My imposter syndrome was overwhelming to say the least, as these events were being noticed and reported on by everyone. There were times where I thought that maybe someone else should do the work, they’d probably be better at it.
But I wanted to be the best. So, I took every chance I could to get better.
The MDC is the one place I went back to every time. The one place where other students saw, felt and understood my people-pleasing, guilt-ridden, over-achieving, over-worked self. With these people, work and support remained a sturdy constant. It gave me the opportunity to push myself to new extremes and claim the ultimate satisfaction of working towards something more than I could comprehend.
After four years, holding countless different positions of leadership, making friends across different walks of life and finding out what I truly love and can be capable of, I am excited to move on and see what the future holds.
To my professors and mentors, thank you for your patience and knowledge. Having your perspectives and understanding from your own research and experiences have offered me invaluable insight. Every piece of advice I have received are reminders I hold in my heart.
To my friends at the MDC, watching you all become the writers, editors and people you have grown to become has been beautiful. Especially to my fellow seniors Paige Hanson, Ava Hebenstreit, Grace Chai, Sam LoConte, Bella Astrofsky, Brigid Baleno, Nellie Zygiel, Zoe Rakarich, Sydney Warren and Alex Hill, you all have such unique talents and bright futures ahead.
To George Coulouras and Daniel Estrin, you will both do amazing. I cannot wait to see the future of the MDC in your hands. I’m always a phone call away whenever you need.
To Bobby Gleeson, Carson Cornelius Burke and Daniel Frank, thank you all for your friendships. Between the office and events on campus, it has truly been an honor to work and get to know all of you as professionals and people. I cannot wait to see where all your hard work gets you guys.
To my soul sisters, Megan and Ola, you guys have truly helped me heal. You guys are the blueprint for the person I wanted to become. I have been able to find a better balance of my life because of the words, actions and love you all have graced me with. I love you all.
To Krystian, Ilanka and Alek, my most amazing guardian angels, I am so grateful every day to be your sister. You guys have been the loudest and most enthusiastic fans that I could never live without. Hidden notes, car concerts and your videos of Drax have been my saving graces.
To Mama and Tata, I don’t know if I could ever thank you both enough. You were both the foundation of my success. You both have watched me struggle and fall, grow and live over the last four years. My courage, selflessness and strength come from you guys. To my original role models, I love you and I hope to continue making you proud.
To new writers and my younger self, give yourself some grace. Life’s a little nicer to those who just go with the flow. Trust me, live, laugh and love every once in a while.
Kalina Kornacki was the former Managing Editor and can be reached at [email protected].
